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Writer's pictureStijn Smeets

sexual ecstasy is a prayer

Updated: Oct 2


Bernini, Ecstasy of Saint Teresa, 1652

Sexuality is often seen as an act of pleasure, intimacy, stress relief, or bonding. But at its core, it can serve as a powerful engine for personal transformation. It is a connecting and creative force that pushes us to face our fears, a whirlwind that can dissolve the ego—a "little death"—and carry us to a state of blissful dissolution and absorption. When approached with awareness and presence, sexuality transforms into a meditation, leading to self-recognition and liberation.


If silent meditation is like trying to make ten toddlers sit still and be quiet, sexual meditation is like doing the same thing with ten raging bulls. Trying to control your sexual energy often results in being overpowered and pleasurably ripped apart by it. Unlike insight meditation, where we train the mind to detect and deflate distractions, sexual meditation resembles more a toreador distracting and deflecting a wild animal, moving and being moved by it, simultaneously possessed by orgastic trance, yet staying fully present while holding on to absolutely nothing.


It’s about riding the waves of desire without seeking fulfillment.


Why would we risk ourselves in this way?


At the apotheosis of sexual explosion -orgasm-, the body surrenders, opens up, and falls apart. All guards come down, and we become nakedly present with each other. It is a liminal space where identities and beliefs can shatter, leading to a new experience of self as spacious and open. This shift in awareness is what we call a change in your “basis of operation" in our meditation training. Much like psychedelic experiences, a sustained full-body orgasm can create an irreversible a shift in consciousness, initiating a path of meditation and personal growth.


Not all sexual experiences are transformative -nor should they be! There’s nothing wrong with wild sexual encounters that result in little more than brief but wonderful pleasure and relief. This mirrors how meditators can spend years on their cushions experiencing only relaxation and bliss. That’s perfectly fine, but if that’s all, you may be wasting a precious opportunity.


Sexuality becomes a transformative, existential path when it increases our availability to the sensual immediacy (similar to concentration meditation) and enables a shift in our basis of operation—annihilating the observer, soaring through an inner sky, and becoming that inner sky (akin to insight meditation).


It is an art of presence, connection, and self-recognition - a delicate discernment between what to keep close and what to lay aside, not in search of sensual fulfilment, but to catapult oneself into the embrace of the infinite. 


When we approach sexuality with the same intentionality and attention as meditation, it reveals itself as a direct portal to nature itself, our unconscious, and deep healing through connection. Our pleasure becomes a practice of presence, self-transcendence, and -frankly- “dying” into surrender. Riding the orgastic waves, we become undone in the ecstatic unity with the other.


This, ultimately, is the revolutionary potential of sexuality - to carry us beyond ourselves, into the vast and limitless sky of our own being.


What do you think? Join the conversation on Facebook, Instagram, Linkedin or X.


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Interested in exploring these ideas further? Join our Love, Touch, Intimacy & Sexuality group to stay updated on our activities by clicking here  or scanning below:


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