productive
polarities
Wanting what we do rather than doing what we want.
Supporting children to become themselves requires enabling constraints at a razor’s edge: enough constraints so that their limited emotional regulation, organizational skills, and foresight do not harm or stifle them, but not so much that it undermines their autonomy, sense of ownership, and experience of being a complete person.
At the School of the beloved, we achieve this by embracing polarities and seeking the productive tension between them.
autonomy vs structure
"Is it possible to provide structure in a way that stimulates autonomy?
Autonomy refers to the sense of control over one’s actions and decisions and acting in alignment with personal values, interests, and goals. To nurture autonomy, we can encourage self-initiative, offer choices, and avoid pressure or coercion.
Structure involves clear guidance, consistent expectations, and reliable support through information, feedback, and scaffolding.
When we implement structure in an autonomy-supportive way, it becomes an enabling constraint. Depending on a person’s developmental age, a specific level of structure—clear expectations, information, feedback, scaffolding, and emotional co-regulation—supports them in taking agency and acting autonomously. For example, by offering children two or three options to choose from, we help them practice autonomy. However, offering too many choices may overwhelm them, leading to feelings of incompetence and undermining both their sense of competence and autonomy. Without rules and supervision, children may struggle to regulate their emotions and energy levels, often resulting in overstimulation, frustration, and tears. Proper structure and supervision can help children manage their emotions, setting the foundation for true independence.
play vs learning
Is it possible to transform formal learning into an extension of play?
Play is the human capacity to engage with multiple realities simultaneously (Droogers, 2010). It involves balancing different needs, perspectives, and 'worlds' while transitioning between them (Dewey, 2009). Through play, children can navigate social dynamics, express complex emotions, and explore moral questions in imaginary scenarios (Vivian Paley). Play is freely chosen and intrinsically rewarding, meeting the needs for autonomy, competence, and relatedness as outlined in Self-Determination Theory. It exists outside of ordinary life, marked by freedom, uncertainty, and a suspension of everyday constraints (Huizinga, Homo Ludens). Additionally, play represents one of the highest forms of experiential learning (Kolb & Kolb, 2010), allowing children to learn through doing, exploring, and interacting in a safe, supportive environment (NAEYC).
Learning, on the other hand, involves expanding one's potential to act and enhancing the complexity and richness of experience (HOTB). Learners actively construct understanding, knowledge, and an embodied sense of the world through experience, social interaction, and reflection, integrating new information with prior knowledge (Piaget, Vygotsky, Dewey). Dewey (1938) noted that learning is "a process of living, not a preparation for future living," suggesting it should involve meaningful activities that foster curiosity and social responsibility, tied to real-world interactions and problem-solving, and involve critical thinking, exploration, and the adaptation of knowledge to new situations.
As suggested by this definition, all play is a form of learning. However, unstructured play may not necessarily foster social responsibility, metacognitive awareness, or the deep learning associated with formal education. Therefore, transforming play into learning requires moments of slowing down to facilitate careful, deep, and open observation, critical thinking, and open-ended discovery. Additionally, well-placed suggestions and structured constraints can enhance the depth and quality of play, creating more opportunities for meaningful learning.
liberation vs initiation
Following Isaiah Berlin (1958; Two Concepts of Liberty), we distinguish negative freedom, or 'freedom from,' as “the absence of constraints imposed on an individual by others or society”, and positive freedom, or 'freedom to,' as “the ability—not merely the opportunity—to pursue and achieve personal goals” (The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, Metaphysics Research Lab, Stanford University, 2022). Liberation aims to increase both types of freedom. Negative freedom involves being unrestricted in one’s thoughts, speech, actions, emotions, or way of being. Positive freedom, in contrast, is about being free and empowered to explore, discover, and express one’s own way of being human.
Initiation is the process of introducing someone to the knowledge, values, practices, and customs of a community, culture, or religion (HOTB). It may also refer to a 'basic change in existential condition' (Mircea Eliade), signifying a transition from an ordinary experience of time and reality to a deeper, transcendent understanding of life and existence (Eliade, Rites and Symbols of Initiation, 1958).
Positive freedom requires initiation. However, initiation temporarily decreases negative freedom. In formulating enabling constraints, the increase in positive freedom must balance the decrease in negative freedom.
authenticity vs collectivity
This encompasses our idea of "being different together". You can learn more about it through our podcast "A case against love".
embodiment vs cognition
“Experience, in short, is not a combination of mind and world, subject and object, method and subject matter, but a single continuous interaction of a great diversity (literally countless in number) of energies” (Dewey, 2009)
The work of Varela, Rosch, and Thompson (The embodied mind, 1992) shows that the mind is deeply intertwined with our physical and social context. How we perceive, think and understand is shaped by our bodily experiences and the world we inhabit, an integrated cognitive system made of body, mind and the world.
This implies that developing critical thinking and flexibility of mind necessitates care for the body and the relationship with others and the environment. In addition, supporting individuals to find and express their own way of being human requires attention for all dimensions of our humanity, including physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual, and social.
expression vs receptivity
Taking space and allowing others to take space is for many of us complex. Erring at the side of not taking space seems safest, but it means censoring ourselves and giving up opportunities to learn and connect.
How can I express my own way of being human, while simultaneously being with what is and without trying to change anything? This paradox can only be transcended when we unpreferentially receive and express the impulses as they appear from the inside, without deciding or holding onto any particular outcome, as a selfless or transinidividual way of being in the world.
It is not an uncensored expression of our most instinctual drives, which would reflect confusion: from a non-dual view the distinction between the individual and the world is spurious.
immanence vs transcendence
Upcoming